its just about me

Saturday, July 10 -

i was reading a gd fren's blog.. n i read back to last yr.. n here it goes..

A month it was. Yes, i could still recall 24th May 2003.
The day i came with your friend to support you.
The day you accompanied me to Heerens get my cousin a birthday gift.
The day our dreams came true.
The day we sat at NS24 : Dhoby Ghaut... a twist of fate it was. The fact that the date was similar to the location number of Dhoby Ghaut on the route map.

However, all the rainbows that coloured my life we not for long..... it faded to black and white, just three days before the 7th of July.

Was i born to get hurt all the time by frens?
Was i born to deserve happiness for a short while?
Was i born to hurt others and to get discriminated?
Was i born to get gossiped and talked about?
Was i born to always sacrifice my needs for others?
Was i born to help others and put myself last?
Was i??? What did i do to deserve all these??

You were just like what i expected. Huh...*shakes my head* yeah... like the others, you were never truthful with your words. i thought we were friends?
You changed from a great person, to a horrible monster. A person i had never ever thought of you to become.
How u managed to make me cry on 4th July 2003, will always be a day with a black patch in my life.
Why didnt i react fast? ......
When i knew i could have done something to prevent myself from getting hurt... i tried to salvage something that wasn't much worth of a sacrifice.
I thought as friends it was good giving u a chance. But my intuitions told me that nothing that i do would mean anything to you. My chances just gor drained down the pumplines...no hope.
And to think you even had the heart of stone to hurt me , ur friend all alone in the dark, cover me with shadows, add more tears that weren't supposed to trickle down my cheeks.
There were so many things i wanted to share with you, but you, being your arrogant..selfish..egoistic self, you shoved me away. Living me all by myself in the dark!
And above all, i felt i made the most stupid mistake of my life. Despite all that, where on earth did i get enough strength to even forgive you? I guess i never wanted to lose a friend in you...

I guess, it's true that people always change overtime. And we can never judge a book by it's cover.
And i'm lucky at least, now, i have a FRIEND in YOU! Thank you for making me learn from all the mistakes and the bad experience we had. May you find the ONE you've been searching for all your life... I wish you luck in everything you do... you will always be a part of my life.. A FRIEND =)

However..
At this point of time, i don't think i can ever trust any words from anyone. And above all, despite the mistakes i've made.... i've made a conclusion never to let anyone tear me apart and take away my happiness.
NOT THIS TIME, ANYTIME OR EVER

this is where the chapter ends...

Yours..
nuR kH@!ran!

i may not have given what's expected of a friend. I'm just human BUT inside this imperfection lies a heart that values you the best way i know i have.....

hmmm.. dat was history..
hmmm.. dat was selfish of me..
hmmm.. dat was foolish of me..

y??????

joop hangs on the sloper at 7:50 pm